"Good" Goodbyes

Every Sunday since my sophomore year, I have met with a Jesuit scholar named Eric. Eric is a 25-year-old Cuban American from Miami, and he has become a sort of spiritual mentor for myself and a group of my close friends. Every Sunday morning, we gather together to reflect on how we see God moving in our lives. Over the years, Eric has become a dear friend and role model to many of us as he has continuously shared infinite amounts of wisdom.

In December, Eric is leaving. In Jesuit life, there is a spirit of going out to serve wherever one may be called. Eric is being called to the Dominican Republic for the next two years. As we gathered as a group last week, Eric sat back with his legs crossed and his chin in his hands, as he often does. “You know,” he said, looking at the ground, “we only have a few weeks left together.” A sort of silence fell on the group. We all know the inevitable fate of our beloved Jesuit friend, but no one had yet acknowledged it out loud. Eric looked up. “I want to make sure that my goodbyes are good.”

That sentiment struck me, and I began to wonder. What is a good goodbye? Is there such a thing? For context, I am a person who particularly struggles with that idea. Everything I have ever loved I have clenched with an iron fist. In order to let go and say goodbye, it takes a concentrated effort to pry off the fingers of that grip, one by one. I was the kid who cried on the last day of eighth grade, mourning the fact that I would never be in middle school again. Every song I hear that I like, I immediately have to save to my Spotify so that I never lose it. Saying goodbye, even to trivial things like middle school or a good song, is hard for me.

People are nearly impossible. Every friend I’ve ever had, every boy I’ve ever dated, every teacher I loved or coworker I had a special bond with, seems to take up a certain space inside of me. Saying goodbye to people who have impacted me often feels daunting and scary, as if it means abandoning a piece of myself.

So then, if saying goodbye is such a heart-wrenching, difficult task, what indicates a “good goodbye”?

Eric explained. “There have been a lot of people here in St. Louis who have really made a difference in my life,” he said with a reflective look in his eye. “I want to make sure they know that before I leave for good.”

I, too, am leaving for good. I am in my fourth year at Saint Louis University, and time has slipped away quicker than I could have imagined. Eric’s simple reflection reminded me of all the people who have impacted my life in just a few short years. Like Eric, I hope that I can remind those who have formed me over the past four years of their impact. I hope that I can express to all those I love and have loved that I would not be the same without them, and that a piece of them will be with me forever. I think that is the meaning of a “good goodbye.” The acknowledgement that while we may never share the same physical space again, the space they take up in our minds and hearts is one that will never be forgotten or replaced. The very root of a “good goodbye” is acknowledging that there really is no need for one, as those who mean the most to us will live within us forever.